The advice fairy....
One of the joys of getting older is that you acquire the right to expound on several topics simply because you have "lived". With age comes wisdom. I find that people now come to me and expect enlightened answers on various topics. Here are the top three....
1. Children
Once you have a child and you live to see them through the first five years of their life without going to jail, folks tend to gravitate toward you and ask you questions.
The other day, I was out with both Tali's at the playground. This pregnant woman comes up to me and starts asking me where I send my kids to daycare because they are so "well-spoken and well-behaved". While I told her about their school (because I love their school), I didn't have the time to explain to her that it's not just the school.....my kids are well spoken and well behaved because they learned that in their house. I wanted to tell her that it takes work and that her road was just beginning. Your children are a reflection of you and their environment. It's that simple. When folks have bad azz kids and they don't know why....ahem....hold up a mirror. LOL
2. Marriage
I am always getting questions about "how do you make it work"....and "you guys seem so happy and you have such a beautiful family". Rule number one with marriage....couples always look happy when they are out but nobody knows what goes on in their home. Everyone has rough spots and trouble. Couples fight, they argue, they disagree. No one has a perfect marriage.
Stop looking at other people and figure out what is not working in YOUR house.
Every situation is unique. Don't compare your husband to my husband. Work on you and yours. AND STOP LETTING EVERYONE IN YOUR BUSINESS. Whew.
Nothing in life is easy. You walk the road and sometimes it's smooth, sometimes it's long, sometimes it's rocky and bumpy. You just work on moving forward and paving the road together. He has to want it as much as you do. Don't worry about the other cars on the road. Drive yours to the best of your ability.
3. Men
If a man wants to be with you, he will act like it.
That's really all you ladies need to know. Commit that to memory. If you are spending more time trying to figure him out than enjoying the relationship.....kick him to the curb.
Nuff said.
1. Children
Once you have a child and you live to see them through the first five years of their life without going to jail, folks tend to gravitate toward you and ask you questions.
The other day, I was out with both Tali's at the playground. This pregnant woman comes up to me and starts asking me where I send my kids to daycare because they are so "well-spoken and well-behaved". While I told her about their school (because I love their school), I didn't have the time to explain to her that it's not just the school.....my kids are well spoken and well behaved because they learned that in their house. I wanted to tell her that it takes work and that her road was just beginning. Your children are a reflection of you and their environment. It's that simple. When folks have bad azz kids and they don't know why....ahem....hold up a mirror. LOL
2. Marriage
I am always getting questions about "how do you make it work"....and "you guys seem so happy and you have such a beautiful family". Rule number one with marriage....couples always look happy when they are out but nobody knows what goes on in their home. Everyone has rough spots and trouble. Couples fight, they argue, they disagree. No one has a perfect marriage.
Stop looking at other people and figure out what is not working in YOUR house.
Every situation is unique. Don't compare your husband to my husband. Work on you and yours. AND STOP LETTING EVERYONE IN YOUR BUSINESS. Whew.
Nothing in life is easy. You walk the road and sometimes it's smooth, sometimes it's long, sometimes it's rocky and bumpy. You just work on moving forward and paving the road together. He has to want it as much as you do. Don't worry about the other cars on the road. Drive yours to the best of your ability.
3. Men
If a man wants to be with you, he will act like it.
That's really all you ladies need to know. Commit that to memory. If you are spending more time trying to figure him out than enjoying the relationship.....kick him to the curb.
Nuff said.
posted by 1969 at
4:29 AM
21 Comments:
So what's next for Mrs. 1969, the advice column in the Philadelphia Inquirer or the book?
Here! Got doggone here! I get those same topics too. One cliche I love to say is, "Do what works in your home." Oh, I also love saying, "Stay in your lane."
Great advice. We could really vibe if we ever get together in the future. Answer me this, since you are doling advice oh sage1 ;D.
Do you find that you are "pouring in" more to the people in your circle or do you also have many in your circle who reciprocate? My husband and I have friends, but we seem to be the "pillars" that everyone looks to for parental, relational, spiritual, and entrepreneurial advice constantly. Sometimes we just want another couple or couples we can sit at their feet and learn from. It can be draining to always be the one giving, huh?
ON......no more advice. Just trying to be me :)
Pro....we are always giving, never seeking. You know how it is.....LOL
Dammit! I was first. ME and my perfectionism. I just had to go look up the spelling of three of my vocabulary words. I mean they pop into my writing from out of nowhere and I suck at spelling. If this were my classroom whiteboard, I would utilize my [A-Z] rule. I put that notation on the board while I am writing notes or lecturing and if I misspell a word I simply tell the children to pick the correct letters from the [box] to correct it in their mind's eye. Feel me? I think I have just given myself a reprieve hence forth. *laughs*
Look at me and ON's time. *Stomping off, mad because Pro is competitive*
I am definitely feeling your advice. People always enquire about what it is you're doing because things "seem" to be so right but little do they know, you got hell coming from every whichaway and you learn to deal the best way you know how. Like you said every one and every situation is unique so "stay in ya lane" as it were..*thanks pro for that* ha! Loved the post!
LOL @ PRO
I am a mess without spell check. I don't know what happened to me, I was the spelling bee champ in 4th grade!!
Back on topic.....
Half the time when you give GOOD advice the person who asked for never follows it anyway. So I try to contain my advice ( unsolicited or otherwise) to those who I think will really benefit from my wisdom and stay away for the pitfalls of my stupidity!!!!!
LMAO @ pro!!!!
but errr.. PREACH.. I feel you.. I get the same thing.. that was going to be a part of my rant today but decided to do a whole post on it tomorrow..
PARENTS need to step up and raise their kids and stop depending on the day care centers, the schools, etc to discipline and educate them.. that starts FROM THE WOMB....
ok lemme stop before I get to posting up in yoru comments!!!!
and to the other 2.. AMEN.. and A FLIPPIN MEN!!!!
I couldn't agree with you more. Marriage and kids are both hard work. You know how people say "What happens in Vegas or Cancun or wherever, stays at that place"? That's the same approach people need to take with their relationships. What happens at home, stays at home.
I got some advice for the ladies...if you are chilling with a man...don't forget he's a man and you're a woman. Not saying you can't be friends...but let's not discount the power of nature.
I love your sage advice!!
1. @ look at the mirror -It is tight but right!!
2, "Don't worry about the other cars on the road. Drive yours to the best of your ability." Sho nuff!
3. Girl that hit me like 3 years ago and that should be every dating woman's mantra b/c it is the pure truth!! That is how I weed them out! :o)
True on all three.
I once told someone who kept asking why my sons behave like such gentleman that black mothers have special powers and so I cast a spell over my boys. Terrible, but that lady was really annoying me.
I can't add anything but an "AMEN"!
LMAO @ Liz.. we do cast spells its called the momma look!!! LOL
This is why you're one of the first people I now turn to for advice....wise beyond your years Chica!
oh how I can relate to all of these..I think my marriage survived for 14 years because we didn't let family or friends get in our business..we kept it all behind our 4 walls...my fav line to tell folks "just because i'm almost 40 {ahem} I don't know everything!" LOL! teach me something DAYUM!!
"If a man wants to be with you, he will act like it."
There it is.
Print up some tshirts!
"If a man wants to be with you, he will act like it."
There it is.
Print up some tshirts!
HERE! HERE! HEEEEEERE!
Love it! And you are so right about the children.
They are what you teach.
I RE.FUSE to have a rude, mannish lil boy-child walking around here! So, I am with you! It is against my DNA to have kids that are anything BUT well behaved! Feel me now!
And I have a girlfriend who I need to get that proposed tee-shirt (if a man wants to be with you, he will act like it)!
Let me know when those get pressed into circulation!!! LOL
Umhmmm @ all three.
I stopped taking relationship advice many, many years ago. Why? Because this statement right here >>>'Giirrrl, if that was me, I would...'<<< is the biggest lie ever told. When it's them, they don't do ANY of the shit they claim they would!
Sage advice, Ms. Nineteen.
That is some sound advice - especially the one about keeping your personal business to yourself. I found that out the hardway and now mum is the word!
I can't fully relate to the first two, but it's so true.
On the third piece of advice...It's that simple.
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