Monday Morning
My mom is having surgery in two weeks. I feel kind of numb regarding the situation. Her prognosis is not good. From the time between her ultrasound and the MRI, the mass grew.
The fact that it is growing so quickly does not look good. Still, they will wait until they remove it to give us a complete diagnosis.
I feel like I did when I was six and almost drowned at the pool. I can see the surface and can reach it if I jump. However, I can't breathe and I am sitting at the bottom of the water. It's way over my head.
I tend to internalize most of my stress. It's not a good thing but I have done it for so long. I don't like sharing my pain with anyone. I always feel like there is so much suffering in the world. People are walking around with REAL problems. I know that I am blessed every single day that I wake up and take a breath. I don't allow myself to be "woe is me". I know that my situation could always be worse.
However, I can't help feeling like someone sucker punched me in the ribs. It hurts, I can't breathe when I think about it and there is an underlying pain because I am feeling like there is more pain yet to come.
I have no point with this post.
I don't think there is a point to any of this.
Just getting ready to accept whatever it is that fate wants to hand me.
The fact that it is growing so quickly does not look good. Still, they will wait until they remove it to give us a complete diagnosis.
I feel like I did when I was six and almost drowned at the pool. I can see the surface and can reach it if I jump. However, I can't breathe and I am sitting at the bottom of the water. It's way over my head.
I tend to internalize most of my stress. It's not a good thing but I have done it for so long. I don't like sharing my pain with anyone. I always feel like there is so much suffering in the world. People are walking around with REAL problems. I know that I am blessed every single day that I wake up and take a breath. I don't allow myself to be "woe is me". I know that my situation could always be worse.
However, I can't help feeling like someone sucker punched me in the ribs. It hurts, I can't breathe when I think about it and there is an underlying pain because I am feeling like there is more pain yet to come.
I have no point with this post.
I don't think there is a point to any of this.
Just getting ready to accept whatever it is that fate wants to hand me.
posted by 1969 at
10:49 AM
6 Comments:
I spent 5 minutes looking at this screen trying to come up with something to say, then realized sometimes, words are unnecessary. I'm sending you a virtual hug and I'll keep both you and your mother in my prayers
Thanks for the hug. I needed it :)
Well...
I hope you come to the BBQ, so I can give you a real hug.
Can't even imagine all the things that are going through your head. I think my world would stop if something were wrong with my daddy. I'mma have to call him today...just because.
Stay strong.
I feel better today. I was going through a moment yesterday..Blah and DG thanks for the love.
I've been meaning to ask about this but was honestly afraid to know the answer. My heart broke as I read this...I don't really know what to say.
That's your Moms so it's going to hurt, but walk in faith, believe in the unseen...nothing in uncertain because everything is in God's hands...trust in that...trust in him.
Your mother and your family are in my prayers. Stay Strong Momma!!
RD and Cocoa:
Thanks so much for the prayers and words of encouragement. I am feeling much more positive.
Cocoa...girl, I am praying for you. You will get through this. Thanks for looking out for me with your follow up email!
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