Why?
Why do tragedy's happen to some people but not to others? Why does it seem like some people always get the sh*tty end of the stick in life?
I have been pondering this lately. One of my very dear friends has a son the same age as Taliban #1. Our sons are a week apart and we went through the whole pregnancy together. We have enjoyed raising these boys and shared all of the milestones together as mothers.
She became pregnant a year later. Five months into the pregnancy, she was in a car accident with her husband and son. She saw the car coming towards them, undid her seat belt and turned immediately to shield her son in the back car seat. Their car flipped over and she lost the baby. She always tells this story of how when she came to, all she could see was the rescue team pulling her son out, still in his carseat holding a cookie and looking confused.
If that wasn't heartbreaking enough. When I was pregnant with T2, she became pregnant again. She was so nervous about the pregnancy after losing the 2nd baby. However, the pregnancy was an uneventful one. We enjoyed being pregnant together and looked forward to both having another son. She was scheduled for her c-section on a Monday. The Sunday night, she went into labor. However, as soon as she got to the hospital, her uterus (which had been weakened by the car accident two years prior) ruptured. They immediately went in for the c-section but she started to hemmorage.
They were able to save her after a blood transfusion but the baby died. A beautiful, 8lb baby that looked just like her.
This second loss has been heartbreaking to my friend. Understandably so, and still, she is able to carry on. Wake up everyday. Enjoy school shopping for her oldest son.
She is still able to ask me to email pictures of my son. The one that would have been the same age as her baby...and then tell me how beautiful he is.
And she lost both of her sons in December, right around Christmas time.
As the season approaches, I wonder about my friend. This will be a rough time for her. Knowing how she is, she will put her "big girl" panties on and deal with it. She hates sympathy. She does not want to be the woman that "lost two babies".
But as I sit and look at my two healthy children, I wonder sometimes why I have been spared. What does God want from me? Why have I been blessed? What are my lessons to learn?
My life is not perfect. But it's pretty good.
When I look at the news and see the mothers that kiss their kids in the morning and then put their gas masks on and get their rifles to walk them to school...I know I am blessed.
Or I know that women in many countries face genital mutilation, rapes, starvation, they face fear...I know I am blessed.
I am always grateful for where I am, I just don't understand why I have been spared.
I feel like my life is not going to worthwhile unless I can find a true purpose. Not work, not being a mom (although that is a wonderful role).
I want to help people.
I need to find my calling.
I need to help someone.
I have been pondering this lately. One of my very dear friends has a son the same age as Taliban #1. Our sons are a week apart and we went through the whole pregnancy together. We have enjoyed raising these boys and shared all of the milestones together as mothers.
She became pregnant a year later. Five months into the pregnancy, she was in a car accident with her husband and son. She saw the car coming towards them, undid her seat belt and turned immediately to shield her son in the back car seat. Their car flipped over and she lost the baby. She always tells this story of how when she came to, all she could see was the rescue team pulling her son out, still in his carseat holding a cookie and looking confused.
If that wasn't heartbreaking enough. When I was pregnant with T2, she became pregnant again. She was so nervous about the pregnancy after losing the 2nd baby. However, the pregnancy was an uneventful one. We enjoyed being pregnant together and looked forward to both having another son. She was scheduled for her c-section on a Monday. The Sunday night, she went into labor. However, as soon as she got to the hospital, her uterus (which had been weakened by the car accident two years prior) ruptured. They immediately went in for the c-section but she started to hemmorage.
They were able to save her after a blood transfusion but the baby died. A beautiful, 8lb baby that looked just like her.
This second loss has been heartbreaking to my friend. Understandably so, and still, she is able to carry on. Wake up everyday. Enjoy school shopping for her oldest son.
She is still able to ask me to email pictures of my son. The one that would have been the same age as her baby...and then tell me how beautiful he is.
And she lost both of her sons in December, right around Christmas time.
As the season approaches, I wonder about my friend. This will be a rough time for her. Knowing how she is, she will put her "big girl" panties on and deal with it. She hates sympathy. She does not want to be the woman that "lost two babies".
But as I sit and look at my two healthy children, I wonder sometimes why I have been spared. What does God want from me? Why have I been blessed? What are my lessons to learn?
My life is not perfect. But it's pretty good.
When I look at the news and see the mothers that kiss their kids in the morning and then put their gas masks on and get their rifles to walk them to school...I know I am blessed.
Or I know that women in many countries face genital mutilation, rapes, starvation, they face fear...I know I am blessed.
I am always grateful for where I am, I just don't understand why I have been spared.
I feel like my life is not going to worthwhile unless I can find a true purpose. Not work, not being a mom (although that is a wonderful role).
I want to help people.
I need to find my calling.
I need to help someone.
posted by 1969 at
5:28 AM
14 Comments:
I co-sign with Khalli.
Damn, 1969. What your friend has experienced is too heartbreaking for words. I don't think those are the kind of losses you never truly recover from. And back to back? Yeah, that would have me questioning "why" too...
Finding our "purpose" I think is a lifelong and steadily changing journey. Just by pondering, I think you're probably on the right path. :)
YOU JUST DID!!!
WOW..I am amazed at our resilence. How strong we women are...before it, during it, and after the storm has long since passed.
Someone will read this and their life will be changed, someone will read this and put their life into perspective, someone will read this and realize just how blessed they truly are despite their circumstances. There is a lesson in every experience. Not just for the one experiencing it, but for those who watch or listen rom a distance.
God Bless Your Friend...and you for being such a wonderful friend to her!
Supa....she has got to be one of the strongest women I know. When I think about any petty drama in my life...I have to shake it off because compared to people with REAL situations....my life is a damn cakewalk.
I am struggling to find my purpose. There has to be more than just working the 9 to 5. I watched Spike's documentary and I am angry that all I can do is sit on the couch and be outraged. Other than voting the Republican's out of freaking office and donating money and clothes...what can I do to help?
ZED...do not quit anything. I need your blog to keep me sane. There has to be a reason we have all been brought together through Blogger right?
Khalli, and TJ....you are probably both right!
RD...thanks for the words of wisdom. If it helps anyone refocus on what's important then maybe it was a good post?
Yes, women are some strong creatures. She just says she can't fall apart because she has her son to live for. Amazing.
maybe your friend hasn't been punished, just blessed in a different way (although i know what she went through was quite painful). sometimes blessings don't come in the form of ice cream and cake so it's hard for us to see it as such.
i'm glad she had the strength to pull through though. in the meanwhile, you don't have to wonder why, just do what you do.
Nikki....you are right mama. Thanks for the words today! I needed that.
Dang...
She did go through alot. But I'm sure having you
as a friend certainly helps her when the chips are down. Sometimes it's a soft word from you or the smile of your baby that is the same age as the one she lost
brings her joy... you never know.
But just continue to be there for her...
your purpose is to be her friend.
Okay everyone pretty much said what I wanted to say...So i'll just get to the point..CAN YOU HELP A BROTHA OUT AND LEND ME TEN DOLLARS!!!! Daaayuum!..lol
Women are strong. god knew what he was doing when he made us. There is a reason HE (God) does what HE does. Your friend has another purpose whereas her deceased children would have prevented her from achieveing. she is bless and so are you for being her friend.
Thanks to everyone for the words of wisdom...I gotta go to the Post offic enow cause Slish needs a ten spot!
The Lord doesn't give a person more than they can bare. I'm willing to bet that she is being perpared for something that neither you nor her would ever expect to happen. Maybe she'll be blessed with twins...who knows...
I just said a quick prayer for her...
New to your blog and I want to give you a hug already! I think I will have to blog this, myself. Thanks for the inspiration. Oh, and I very much do have Jesus! :-)
Dynasty...you are wise Missy!!
BZ...you're here! Welcome. I am so glad you have Jesus. LOL
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