We interrupt this Blog....
I have so many single friends that are good women. Beautiful, intelligent, great careers...sometimes I am amazed at the lack of brothers stepping up to the plate.
The chickenheads that I know (and yes, I know some) are never lacking for male companionship.
Now granted, their standards are probably slightly lower but still.
I remember being single all too well. I believe the sage, Chris Rock, said it best..."Married people are bored and single people are lonely. You can never win."
I was lonely. I was searching. The men weren't measuring up.
Finally one day, I gave up. Yes, you heard me....I GAVE UP. I decided to stop waiting around for a man to complete me and I set forth on a mission to complete myself. If I felt like going to dinner...I went. Even if I was alone. I went to the movies alone. I would sit in Border.s and drink cappucino's and read poetry...alone.
I treated myself to trips with friends. Took chances. I did things that made me happy. What I found out was that I did't die when I was alone. **gasp**
Hell, I was better company than most dates. When I did start dating again, I grew standards. Now you had to be a better date than I was. If I was out with you and the date had no chemistry or sucked...I was okay saying "Goodnight" and going home to a good movie or book. If you started spitting some game and I recognized it, I got the hell out because that would only amount to time wasted when I could have instead been with ME! Eventually, I lost the "desperate pushing 30 Black Woman" shroud I had been carrying.
It wasn't easy but I had to learn to love me. After all, I was a catch.
So when I hear about my beautiful sisters struggling in the dating world....I feel you. I want to go out and round up some good brothers for you because I KNOW they exist. However, I say forget about them for a minute. Reacquaint yourself with that fabulous woman in the mirror. She's sexy, intelligent, funny and sweet. She likes to do numerous things. She is hard working and would love for you to spend a little time with her. Forget the men and fall in love with yourself. Trust me, when the men realize they have to compete for your affections because of all that love you are giving yourself....they will have to step their games up.
Force them to treat you better than you can treat yourself. They can do it. No one is making them do it.
This has been another 1969 public service announcement.
The chickenheads that I know (and yes, I know some) are never lacking for male companionship.
Now granted, their standards are probably slightly lower but still.
I remember being single all too well. I believe the sage, Chris Rock, said it best..."Married people are bored and single people are lonely. You can never win."
I was lonely. I was searching. The men weren't measuring up.
Finally one day, I gave up. Yes, you heard me....I GAVE UP. I decided to stop waiting around for a man to complete me and I set forth on a mission to complete myself. If I felt like going to dinner...I went. Even if I was alone. I went to the movies alone. I would sit in Border.s and drink cappucino's and read poetry...alone.
I treated myself to trips with friends. Took chances. I did things that made me happy. What I found out was that I did't die when I was alone. **gasp**
Hell, I was better company than most dates. When I did start dating again, I grew standards. Now you had to be a better date than I was. If I was out with you and the date had no chemistry or sucked...I was okay saying "Goodnight" and going home to a good movie or book. If you started spitting some game and I recognized it, I got the hell out because that would only amount to time wasted when I could have instead been with ME! Eventually, I lost the "desperate pushing 30 Black Woman" shroud I had been carrying.
It wasn't easy but I had to learn to love me. After all, I was a catch.
So when I hear about my beautiful sisters struggling in the dating world....I feel you. I want to go out and round up some good brothers for you because I KNOW they exist. However, I say forget about them for a minute. Reacquaint yourself with that fabulous woman in the mirror. She's sexy, intelligent, funny and sweet. She likes to do numerous things. She is hard working and would love for you to spend a little time with her. Forget the men and fall in love with yourself. Trust me, when the men realize they have to compete for your affections because of all that love you are giving yourself....they will have to step their games up.
Force them to treat you better than you can treat yourself. They can do it. No one is making them do it.
This has been another 1969 public service announcement.
posted by 1969 at
6:10 PM
20 Comments:
Guuuurrrll! That's why it's so easy for me to push that plate away when I don't like what I'm being fed.
I love me, I do it well and I don't accept anything less from anyone.
Thanks for the reminder!
AMEN Ms. Lee. Push that plate AWAY! Love that analogy. Me and you girl, we are here *points fingers back and forth*....
APPLAUSE.. I learned that too.. and it wasnt until I TRULY LOVED MYSELF I was able to ENJOY myself.. WHEN WE LET OUR BURDENS GO it's so easy to ENJOY LIFE AND LOVE OURSELVES!!!!
GREAT POST!!!
by the way even after you find someone to love you just as you love yourself.. YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE LOVING YOU!!!!
The strange thing about this is that I hear single MEN saying the same thing. Why can't the good single people find each other??
I'm way out of the dating scene and even I feel depressed. The 30 somethings just seem to be having a difficult time finding love and committment.
A thousand times thank you for sharing this. I am 30 and single. And, I love me and I love my life. While I'm not sitting at home pining for my knight in shining armor, I'm also ready to work toward finding someone with whom to share my crazy beautiful life. The standards are here. I know there are good men out there. But, until one steps up to the plate, I'm going to continue loving me. Thanks for reminding me that it's ok to do just that!
Great advice, sis. I know I'm on the younger side, but these are certainly things I need to work on and put in to practice now, before I have the "almost 30" meltdown.
And, YES, Ms. Lee for the plate analogy!
Thank you, 1969. It is nice to hear someone married understand.
I have learned to be with me. Maybe a lil too much. I am a loner at heart and don't mind, most of the time entertaining myself.
I do know I have walls up and isolated myself more than I should. I am work in progress and in the love department, I have a ways to go.
I love the plate analogy too, Ms. Lee you were on point.
For me, it's easy for me to tell when a woman is "lost" and or "searching".
A woman who knows herself is beyond sexy. She has that "umph", that swag, that look. That's real.
"I did things that made me happy."
You said it all right there... There's a whole world out there. Be happy!
I married at the age of 29 and was divorced by the age of 33. Why? Because I wasn't "whole" as a single person. I was looking for someone to complete me. You gotta be complete and happy alone before you can be happy with someone else...
Good thought-provoking post...
Great advice. Definitely something I am working on.
Thanks for the Reminder 1969! Like I say when people accuse me of having "high standards": I am only asking them to love me as much as I love me...
Thanks for being such a great example!
i love that you acknowledged that chicken heads never lack male company cuz it's the honest to God truth.
I think it's partly because well theres a whole chickenhead mentality and culture that exists where the single, sexy, successful black woman is still relatively new to the social scene..(about a generation or so).
being single is a wonderful experience when embraced but damn i hope my future husband has good dental insurance;-)
I'm in the "feeding myself process" to steal from ms. lee and I love it - most of the time. I've learned so much about myself that I wouldn't have learned if I was with someone. I like to think of it as "the season of me."
..I am most own best company...lol
I have been datingmyself for years...dress up and go to dinners by myself...not a problem.
I am not struggling for a good man...(or am I)... they are out there... saying the same thing single women are saying..."where are they?"....lol
hi 1969...miss u too
See...this is why I read all of your blogs. Positive sisters and Mr. Funky Fresh himself.
and Blah came out of retirement to respond? This is a good day. Hurry back Missy...I miss your life. :)
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Excellent! I hope someone out there took this to heart.
Lolol....Sista's out there being fed soup....lol..
You telling them right Trini Queen...
Just making my rounds before the return of THE FUNKY CHILD!!!!!!
HOLD EVERYTHING! Blah and Mr. Slish all in one day???
Now I have something to write about!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!Welcome Back B*tches. LOL
"Trust me, when the men realize they have to compete for your affections because of all that love you are giving yourself....they will have to step their games up."
69!! I so need that reminder and encouragement!
I agree it is nice to have a married person understand! Hold a light up for us single folks!
Thank Ya for the dedication! ;o)
V
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