Relax, Relate, Release
So before I left yesterday, Mr. 1969 emailed me "I'm Sorry".
Just those words.
So I emailed back "Thanks"
When I got home, he had fed the boys, gave them baths and we ended up playing air hockey with the boys.
I am glad that the apology came from him. He did flip out for no reason. He also said that he admits that going to bed without dinner was extreme but he was trying to punish him without spanking him and that's what he felt was adequate. I agreed that might be adequate for an older child but not for a four year old. He would only get anxious. So after we talked......everything was cool.
Such is married life. Men have VERY DIFFERENT OPINIONS from women. Even more so when it comes to raising sons. They always feel like we are babying them. Sometimes we do.
One time, we were at soccer and my oldest got kicked and fell down on the field crying. I immediately jumped up and started running onto the field...my husband was like.."Where are you going?" "He's hurt!" He said "Don't move.You can't run out on the field in the middle of the game."
Then he yelled out to my son...."Get up, shake it off....are you here to play or not?" My son stopped crying, jumped up and ran off to play.
I admit, my natural instinct is to protect my baby at all costs. Even if it means battling my husband. On the soccer field, I was wrong.....But this last argument, I was right.
It's a balance people.
Just those words.
So I emailed back "Thanks"
When I got home, he had fed the boys, gave them baths and we ended up playing air hockey with the boys.
I am glad that the apology came from him. He did flip out for no reason. He also said that he admits that going to bed without dinner was extreme but he was trying to punish him without spanking him and that's what he felt was adequate. I agreed that might be adequate for an older child but not for a four year old. He would only get anxious. So after we talked......everything was cool.
Such is married life. Men have VERY DIFFERENT OPINIONS from women. Even more so when it comes to raising sons. They always feel like we are babying them. Sometimes we do.
One time, we were at soccer and my oldest got kicked and fell down on the field crying. I immediately jumped up and started running onto the field...my husband was like.."Where are you going?" "He's hurt!" He said "Don't move.You can't run out on the field in the middle of the game."
Then he yelled out to my son...."Get up, shake it off....are you here to play or not?" My son stopped crying, jumped up and ran off to play.
I admit, my natural instinct is to protect my baby at all costs. Even if it means battling my husband. On the soccer field, I was wrong.....But this last argument, I was right.
It's a balance people.
posted by 1969 at
5:12 AM
18 Comments:
Kinda knew he would say sorry. Good Brothas always do. You married a good dude who just wants the best for his family.
So this doesn't happen next time maybe you guys need to set up 2 lines of defense. Ya know Like you be the first wave. If Taliban 1 and 2 manage to get through that line then your husband steps in and takes over, therefore nobody will feel like their being undermined(did I spell that right)
My parents did that with my sister and I . Back in the day if my mom said " Oh you don't want to listen to me! Oh wait till your daddy gets home. After she said that! Everything got shut DOOOOOWN! Till this very day I will not utter one cuss word in front of my dad...Shit and i'm 37 years OLD!!!
Marriage.
KZ
See but Mr. Slish, I am against that. I don't believe in that "Wait until your Father gets home" mentality. Basically you are giving your child the "Mommy is ineffective and doesn't command any respect in the house" mentality when she has to resort to turning issues over to the dad.
The child needs to know he has to answer to both of you equally. That either one of you can handle a situation. What do you think?
Zeddie...I feel you!
I agree with ya 1969. That wait till your father gets home negates your power. I know my cousin's kids are more afraid of her getting to them first. LOL.
Kids should be afraid of getting in trouble by either parent.
I also think it's a joint effort. You know, including each other in on the punishment. Maybe sending the child to their room while you all discuss the punishment so you can form a united front. The last thing kids need to know is that their parents disagree on how they should be punished. They will use it to their advantage.
I'm glad you all made up, though. I knew he would cave first, especially since he was the one to spazz out like that.
Thanks ladies. FYI...We had the disagreement downstairs in the kitchen while he was upstairs, in his room with the door locked. We never argue in front of our kids. EVER. Hence the reason why I didn't just cuss his azz out like I wanted to.
you're so right about the balance thing, which is why there are so many kids out there who are either too soft or too hard cuz they don't have that balance like that.
i'm glad he said he was sorry. i'm with slish...you married a good dude.
Good deal mama!
And you said it! Men and women have very different opinions and very different WAYS in which they think helping a boy to become "a man" should be carried out.
My thing is this: I want to teach my son to be as strong an individual and self-reliant as he is concerned and sensitive to others feelings. Caring about someone does NOT make a man a p***y! It MAKES them a MAN!!!! And I mean REAL man !! Women do tend to baby and that's usually where a man will receive his "gentle-side" from. Men tend to want their son's to be responsible and independent, that's a big part of what they usually bring to the upbringing. All of these characteristics help a young boy become a well-rounded man and have their place, especially when the lessons are taught in love. And that's not to say that the dad can't show a son a sensitive side, because they can and to me it's almost MORE important that a boy SEE and KNOW that a father IS sensitive (to some extent) and caring! It gives that boy a DIRECT role model from which to take direction!
Remember: We become who we see {in most cases}
It's definitely a balance and since there are no dang guide books ( I KEEEEEEP searching for one! LOL), we just have to keep trying to be better parents and give them all the love and support we need.
Glad things went well!
P.S. I woulda been tryin'a run on the field too! lol
I disagree...Children tend to Play one parent against the other when there is no chain of command. It doesn't have to be the father who takes over when the first wave doesn't work it can be the mother too. Back in the day there were times when I would rather deal with my Dad than my Mother.
For example if one of your sons gets caught with a girl in his room and she nekked...He for damn sure don't want to have deal with you! His father might be more equipped to deal with that. Or if one of your sons is caught putting your nail polish on his toes..lol He not gonna wanna deal with your husband! Cause you're more epuipped. Feel me.
Equal child rearing is nice and all, but to me its overrated. In certain situations they can only be one Chief.
Remember this is just my opinion...lol
Slishy...yuh really proved yuh point wid dat one. LMAO
"Such is married life. Men have VERY DIFFERENT OPINIONS from women. Even more so when it comes to raising sons. They always feel like we are babying them. Sometimes we do."
...Which is why kids need a mommy AND a daddy...unless it's a 'My 2 Dads/Moms' situation...but you know what I mean. They need 2! lol
I'm kind of glad you brought this up.
I think that's the agony-and the ecstasy of the differences between men and women. Often times our natural instincts (both men and women) predict our behavior and our choices for something, and sometimes that's a thumbs up; sometimes it's a huge thumbs down (ergo the no food/4 year old for MR 1969, and the running out on the field for you).
But I see, that fortunately, both of you know when to pick your battles (that was one to pick), and when to concede, and apologize.
Now, that's a partnership.
Merry Christmas!
I enjoyed reading all of the comments on this subject.
I think I am the tougher parent to my kids. Mostly because I see them more and so I am less willing to put up with the crap.
I also do not like that line "wait til your father gets home". I think it does make the kids think that they can walk over you. I understand Slish's point about the dad handling certain things and the mom certain things but you will never hear those words...wait til... come out of my mouth (even if I am thinking it) I would never want my kids to think that dad is the only one that can get their butts in line.
Everybody have a HAPPY and SAFE Holiday. After tomorrow (noon) I am outta here til January 3 and probably won't be checking blogs while I am at home! Take care.
Have a great Holiday 1969!
1969
Make a great one this Holiday season!
Wishing U:
"a taste a heaven in 07, see U then!"
bK bAbE!
Yo this is way too much to think about...I'ma call you!
good to know. (the balance part)
There's a good book sort of on this subject of raising sons. It's called Preparing Him for the Other Woman by Sheri Rose Shepherd. Sounds like you are a good, concerned mom and this book would be great for you.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home