I think, therefore I am

Tali 1 @ the Rodin Museum

I Think that I think too much. I feel too much. I care when I shouldn't. My compassionate nature is endearing to people. It's what they love about me. I always hear about how kind I am, how generous, how much I care about people's well-being over my own. My unsacrificing nature.

Inside, I feel like that caring nature is the bane of my existence. You know what happens to people that care? They get kicked in the gut constantly. I try not to become cynical. I try not to have unrealistic expectations for other people. I know that I can't control anyone's actions. But somehow, this small glimmer of hope that individuals will do the right thing and look at the situation in the same light always rears it's head and eventually.....gets stomped on. I get my feelings hurt.

Then what do I do? I stay calm and focused on the exterior. I move on with the task at hand and handle my business. But somewhere, down below, the gates of kindness have shut down. I forgive but I never forget. It's the nature of my beast.

I am my sign. I am Cancer, the Crab. When hurt I will retreat. Bury myself in the sand....in my day to day life. But, there always comes a time when the crab, lays in wait....and then.....when you least expect it.....It snaps.

I dread the day when it all rushes to the surface. Not for me.....but for those around me. Cause once it goes down, I will be powerless to stop it and when in battle....I take no prisoners.

And I know that my day is coming. The day when I jump out of the sand and cut folks to the quick.

Until then, I will take a deep breath and wait under the surface. I think the tide is shifting on this beach.