Romance Is Dead
It is my humble opinion that ROMANCE IS DEAD.
The art of courting, dating, thinking outside of the box is GONE. Heck, even my own husband who started out good (that's probably how he reeled me in) has fallen by the wayside.
And romance is not about expensive gifts.....it's about small gestures. Paying attention to someone's likes and dislikes. Figuring out what it is that makes them smile. Knowing what will brighten their spirits. So many people talk about romance but have no clue.
It's about spoiling someone else, making them feel special, doing something you know they will like but is totally unexpected.
And Romance is not automatically linked to f*cking. Yeah....I said it. Sometimes it's sexy to do things without....gasp....the expectation of getting some in return.
What is your motivation? Is it "what's in it for me?" or do you really want to make that person happy?
I once had someone very romantic in my life. This man had it down. I couldn't begin to talk about the things he would do. More than anything, he listened to me. Even when I wasn't telling the whole story. He read between the lines. He knew me. He knew what I needed before I could even say it.
One time I visited him in NY and we had such a great weekend. He knew I was homesick and as he started driving me back to the train station in Manhattan....I was sitting there talking about how much I hated being in DC, away from home. How I missed him, my family, etc....when I looked up, we were driving to the Holland tunnel. "Where are we going?" "I'm driving you back to DC and spending the night." "You didn't pack any clothes? You have to work tomorrow." "I'll call out sick" "Are you crazy?" "You need me." **sigh**
Put some thought into it people. Think outside the flowers and candy box.
However, there is a fine line between romance and freakiness. Many of you are making that Scooby Doo noise....RuHRoh? Buying someone a thong is not romance, emailing him pictures of your naked azz is not romance. There is a time and place for the freak.
But you have to romance someone and know where it's headed before you unleash the freak. RATION THE FREAK(c) 1969.....don't show all of your tricks on the first go around. Leave a little for down the road. If you are too eager to show WHAT YOU GOT (Bonus points for Nas and Jay in the same post)or talk about it too much....it starts to lose it's shine very quickly.
When I hear some of the stories out there....I am forced to wonder....What happened to romance? Am I just old? Where are the people that say it through actions and not email?
**pouring out the pink champale**
posted by 1969 at
9:35 AM
37 Comments:
YOU BETTA PREACH BIG SIS!!
I can honestly day that I have NOT been romanced in over 8 years...I mean really really romanced. Although me and my ex had a tricky last 4 years (out of 7) the first 2-3 were beautiful. He'd do all kinds of unexpected things for me and never once expected anything in return. It wasn't uncommon for me to recieve a hand written letter to my job that read "I'm missing you so much right now" and we lived together at the time so he'd see me in a few hours...but the thought that he put into writing it and mailing it meant the world to me. AND it didn't cost him but 27 cents LOL!! Romance (like you said) is about the expression of your feelings in words and actions...not about how much you spend and not about getting your freak on.
I have long since said that romance was dead cause knuckle heads out here think that the tables have turned and we women are supposed to do the romancing...Da Fuk Outta Here Wit Dat Shyt! Wait for me to romance you...I'm a woman of the new millenium but I'm old school at heart and men need to step up and show us what they really made of...that they value us, appreciate us, and want to be with us.
Romance...where art thou?
Exactly! Roycee....you get it.
Where is the effort? The art is gone, gone, gone. What's hard is...once you have had real romance...it is HARD to settle.
Hehehehehehe....you mean taking out the garbage isn't romantic? Can romantic gifts carry over? Like if I did something last week, does that hold for a month?!?!
Define Romance. I think part of the problem is people (men and women) don't know what it means or they have two different definitions. Men may buy you a LV purse and think it's romantic but you want to cuddle. So there's a difference and that's why it doesn't occur. You want to see a man be romantic? Don't give him any ass for a long time when you first meet.
Someone I think this is going to be a popular entry :)
Fresh.....taking out the garbage is not romantic. It is not romantic to do something you're supposed to be doing. (Lazy azz-LOL)
You are right that women don't voice what romance is to them. Hell to some of you, it may be romantic to have some man take you to Red Lobster. (not that there's anything wong with that).
For me....small gestures are fading fast. Do people write each other hand written letters anymore? If you heard your man saying he liked some song on the radio....would you just buy the cd for him and leave it in his car?
I mean to me, it's small gestures that show that the person really does listen to you.
For everyone responding....leave one romantic thing someone has done for you.
Romance. RIP.
Though a text that says I miss you is still sweet in my book.
I agree, though, about rationing the freak. It gets old real fast. Guys like 'smilie faces after all of her phrases', too. And they appreciate a gift that speaks specifically to thier hearts and not only their sex drive.
I haven't quite met a romantic in some time. Flowers after you fuck up, is not romantic!
In college, I had a boyfriend who knew I loved Mickey Mouse. So he bought a couple of pendants and had the jeweler link them all together to make a bracelet out of it. It was so unique and made specifically for me. And that made it romantic.
I've received some nice things over the years, but that's still probably the most romantic gift I've gotten.
It aint that hard people!!! Romance doesnt take a lot of thought or effort. It's (for me) the simplist shyt in the world...
*I come home from work...he calls..."hey I missed you today, wanna meet me for a walk on the mall (mall as in between the Capitol and the Monument)..."Oh how sweet, I missed you too and would love to take a walk with you...see you soon!"...awwwwww how romantic is my boo?" He's very romantic...now if I could only find his azz so we can get to walking everything would be kool LOL!!
Oh, and I love a hand written letter!
Romance is dead. You know why. cause woman think that shit is CORNY! Now don't get me wrong I'm a very romantic fella, BUT when I've pursued women with that romantic mindset. Flowers, The I miss you emails(it is the new millenium. No stamps needed) Dancing to the wee hours of the morning, wining and dining. I GOT DISSED!!! For some baaaaadbooooy with 3 baby mamas!
Bottom line is this. If men do the whole romantic your so special courtship! We're considered soft and clingy. So like all creatures we've adapted. Romantic gestures are done to gain a certain kind of leverage. Once that is achieved we pull back a little. Cause we know there is a LIMIT to how nice you can be to a woman.
Lets be real.There are a lot(NOT ALL) of women who take kindness for weakness. Kindness for desperation, kindness for " Ugh he gets on my nerves with all that poetic shit this cat must be bipolar!"
At the end of the day. Its not the poet with no bank acct that gets the girl. Its the Dude with the steady paycheck and good credit.
Trying to stop jocking you and your latest copyright-ed trademarks. LOL First the "Mr." and now "ration the freak". Then I gotta give double points for the both of 'em in your post. [Pro officially back on her A-blog-game]
I married romance. I swea'h I am starting to sound like I am making up the likes of Mr. Pro. I so am not. I love truth. It's freeing, so believe me when I say such things. Mr. Pro, hell he was born on the 'day of lovers.' February 14.
[Thinking about something to add romantic in nature]
Oh my gosh! I have TOO many to name. But one sticks out is for my 30th birthday I woke up that morning to head to the gym. As soon as I walked into the living room, all I saw were pink and green balloons covering the ceiling. I had a banner that he helped my kids to make hanging from the ceiling fan. On the dining table were homemade cards from the computer. Each one had downloaded images of the things I "wished" for at the time. I was a stay-home-wife-and-mother and things were "lean." One card was of my then dream car, another was the latest LV bag I wanted, and the last was of a piece of Tiffany & Co jewelry. Inside they all read about how if he could give me the world he would and how he was blessed to have me as were the kids to have a sacrificing mother. Blah blah. Later that night he brought home my favorite seafood from the Crab Stop and a cake he had ordered. It truly was romantic. Later that night I treated him like it was HIS birthday.
Hubby has since outdone that with a sleu of other romantic niceties. And like I tell my friends married to unromantic men, yes he has a brother, but alas he's 10 years younger and has not an ounce of romance in him. And I don't do the clone thing.
And I'd like to add how I have been since blessed with a few authentic LV bags, I got my matching Tiffany & Co. set. And I pretend that Odyssey is my Range Rover. I rove from here to there all in a range of hours. LOL But "no thing" beats true romance. That stuff fades, gets old, but romance can remain alive and bring life to any dying relationship.
Sorry so darn long-winded today.
Romance is dead and buried. My husband was once the king of romance.
As for the most romantic thing ever done for me, after going to see Dreamgirls on Christmas and loving the music, my husband bought the cd and put it in my car's cd changer. That made my week.
Oooo oooo... I just thought of a pre-marital romantic notion. Not yet the Mr. Pro, when we were dating, I would come over and spend the afternoon at his place. He would be outside SLAVING over my J30, washing the damn paint off that thing. It literally took him hours. Correction HOURS! It would be nightfall (I done ate dinner his mom cooked, took a nap and e'rethang). By the time it was time for me to go home. I would get into my car where he would have the leathers shining like patent, the air smelled of some air freshner that was so strong it brought tears to my eyes (we later joked about this and still do cause I thought it so sweet I didn't have the heart to tell him it bothered me); he would have my tank on FULL, the dew blasting on freeze and the Bose would be bumping ever so slightly the soothing sounds of Maxwell. I swear I could have given him some on the regular right in the driveway. Real romance will make a woman weak at the knees. And get this, when it was super late (more on that...I am NOT a night owl and would be too sleepy to drive but had to get home), how bout mister would get in his car and follow my ass home to safety. All the way on the interstate and the other side of town. Walk me to my door, kiss me goodnight.
Ration the freak! I love it. Stealing that one (and attributing credit to you ofcourse)
romance is not dead...it's just hiding somewhere within the realm of our busy schedules, and our multi tasking lives.
i am a true romantic at heart and I have been lucky enough to have dated some true romantics.
i think the most romantic guy i ever dated kept me wowed in and out of the bed, the emails the wake up phone calls, the washing my hair in the shower, ironing my clothes (i can't iron very well) he'd get my coffee while i got dressed and commute to work with me. that type of behavior kept me by his side for years...
i could use a romantic in my life right now as a matter of fact! but i know how to ration the freak if i don't know how to do nothing else..i need a muse i need to be inspired dammit!!
For my 25th birthday, my girlfriend planned a picnic in Hastings-On-Hudson, New York right along the Husdon river. She made all of my favorite foods and even went and brought a picnic basket. On top of that, she made a collage of pictures of memories that we had shared while we were together. It actually brought me to tears.
Glad I came across your blog today!
I've always tried to keep a balanced perspective on romance because life ain't all about romantic love. However, lately my husband thinks romance is putting his dirty clothes in the hamper instead of leaving them on the floor. So, I think romance is definitely dead but a friend of mine's husband got those Light Her Fire cds (because she was about to peace out) and she said they really do work.
I can't respond individually....too much good info.
Slishy may be on to something. When guys do romantic stuff, do we consider them soft? Then what the hell is wrong with us ladies?
I think we all need this open discussion to bring romance back. And I'm not saying every person you meet is worthy of the effort, but when you are with someone special or the relationship has potential...don't forget to do special things or each other.
Also..Aunt Jackie....a man washing your hair in the shower works everytime. WHEW....I just had a flashback. LOL
And Pro....just so you know Maxwell's Embrya CD is like kryptonite for 1969. If I walk in the house and that's playing....I know what's up. LOL
Ha!!! GREAT POST..
Romance isn't dead.. but a lot of men in my opinion feel like once they GOT YOU they don't ALWAYS have to do that anymore cause they GOT YOU.. but WOMEN do the same thing.. FOLKS GET LAZY.. we are in a day where sex is a dime a dozen.. Chicks don't make you WAIT for it no more.. they looking for it just as fast on the first night as a dude.. NOBODY ISN'T WAITING FOR THAT WORTHY PERSON..
BUT.. for those that still REMEMBER how to romance its all good.. Romance for me is VERY BIG.. and although I do have to remind at times....there are small things that are done because knows it means something special to me..
Most romantic thing done to me??? Well one that I remember very clearly...although he wasn't a phone person but he knew I was.. he stayed on the phone with me.. and LISTENED to everything I said.. chimed in right when he should have.. all the while driving to my house.. and I never heard him come in...and my back was to the door and when he slid into the bed next to me.. and said baby hang up I'm here.. *although it scared the SHYT outta me.. one of the romantic moments of my life.. that wasn't SPAWNED by a birthday, anniversary or holiday*
and if men do romantic stuff I don't think they are stuff.. it's the shyt they do that they THINK are romantic that makes me want to get a restraining order :)
I had romance SO long ago. I am a romantic person. Funny I have done romantic stuff for the wrong men. smh
I have learned that in this "fast-food" society, alot of folks want to do less as possible and reap tons of rewards.
I don't find a romantic man, soft. I find a man who is a playa and tries to use romantic tactics, a punk.
Sadly, many women are into sexing, getting money, getting theres. Acting like a boy (per Ciara) and not caring about the extra stuff. smh
I miss the simple things like opening doors, asking what I like to do. And all this with the only intention to make me happy not cause you want sex.
I like traditional mixed with modern. Meaning I will cook for a man and I want a man to cook for me. It is not all modern or all traditional.
And I am sick of the f-ing TV version of romance, it is not flowers or candy. lol
I can say I used to be very Romantic...I cut down some cause I found out people thought I was a pushover. I try not to lose it all, but it's hard cause the things I was doing weren't big...just "cause you'll smile" type stuff. There are somethings I never lose though...for instance the next woman that comes my way has some slow dances coming to her.
Did I mention after a good time I mail women notes written on nice paper with a caligraphers pen and sealed with wax. Tell your single friends!
I could stand to step up my romance game just a little bit.
Last romantic thing was done last week. He installed shelving and bought baskets for my craft room. It was totally unexpected but just what I needed.
I just wanted to say that Amadeo is a damn catch ladies. If you are in Baltimore....check that man out.
i loved this-88 RATION THE FREAK(c) 1969.....don't show all of your tricks on the first go around.**
:)
i'm new to your blog. here by way of fresh and i'm glad i clicked!!!!!!! :)
See, Slish, I don't think a man doing romantic things makes him a herb. It means, he's listening. It means he cares.
I think sometimes MEN feel they are wack for being romantic, but mostly happens because they'd done it for the wrong person. That chick w/ the fat azz that didn't deserve it.
But you live and you learn.
1969, you got me thinking over here! And I actually came up with more romantic stuff! Maybe it's not so dead...just in a coma! LOL.
Ms. Lee....you might be on to something. Some women (sorry ladies) aren't used to men doing nice things or being romantic. They feel like he's soft instead of being attentive and sweet.
And I am not a lover of poetry and flowers all the time. I might feel like you are trying too hard.
For me....it's the small gestures. The free stuff. That's what I like.
An old boyfriend and I were on a road trip and it was my turn to drive. He saw that I had been totally engrossed in the book I was reading, so he read to me while I was driving and played with my hair. Read passionately to me and it's ON! The smallest gestures are usually the most romantic.
It's the small romantic and heartfelt gestures that will get a man the best sex in his life. And lets face it ladies, in the end all your man wants in good sex!
And I agree with Slish, sad but true *sigh*
I agree with Slish...some romantic gestures are pretty corny but consideration goes a long way!
I like simple things like bringing me my favorite magazines when i'm sick or giving me warm towels out the bath tub! it really doesn't take much
It is unfortunate that romance is dead. I am going to write a post on something romantic that an ex did for me. Kind of like your story.
chiiiiiiiiiile!!! Romance is not automatically linked to f*cking??? not even in the same sentence. if you're thinking about the latter, then you're not being romantic. you NEED to be thinking about how to make the other happy. it may GET you there, but that can't be your goal. let em know!
@ 1969 . . . I am all for bringing romance back. It should have never left in the first place.
Don't hate on poetry. The last time I wrote someone a poem, she cherished it and kept it in her purse for months.
*takes breathe away* @ DC/Manhattan story
I SO miss romance!
A card sent in the mail. Does it every time.
The post-modern man actually proudly proclaims he aint romantic. The fcuk?! This is an on-demand society, so romance just gets in the way of instant sex seeking.
Only dudes who cant get it based soley on physical seem to go all out with the "fauxmance".
Some women dont know what romance is, so of course those gestures are seen as corny. Suchs for us who do. :(
i think it's sad that guys like slish think that being romantic makes them a herb...because that's soo untrue. i think that grown sexy men with romantic notions are business.
my dad still works to romance my mom after 30 years...she laughs and calls him her stalker but then she also smiles like a school girl when he comes home with flowers, tickets to jazz shows, diamonds and what nots.
i think what happens by adulthood most of us have had our hearts broken we begin to hide our soft side cuz we don't wanna get hurt..then we start missing out!
I have learned a lot of men think if they cannot do something big then don't do anything.
I had this one guy say he wanted to do something big and had always told him I like the little things. smh.
Hey 1969!! I haven't been by in awhile...how are things??
Love the Post!!!
Romance has been dead in my eyes for a while now...I too think the small gestures are sweetest. But honestly for a long time I didn't know what romance was. But as I got older I realized the small sweet gestures just showing that you care or you thought about me is what mattered.
The last romantic thing I had happen...hmmmm, well my friend came to see me one night after I got home from a little get together it was about 1:30am and he brought over my favorite milkshake from Coldstone which had closed hours earlier. He went earlier that night and got it for me...not certain he was going to see me that night. He said he was just thinking about me. That was soooo sweet. Things like that are the best.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home