Monday Morning

My mom is having surgery in two weeks. I feel kind of numb regarding the situation. Her prognosis is not good. From the time between her ultrasound and the MRI, the mass grew.
The fact that it is growing so quickly does not look good. Still, they will wait until they remove it to give us a complete diagnosis.

I feel like I did when I was six and almost drowned at the pool. I can see the surface and can reach it if I jump. However, I can't breathe and I am sitting at the bottom of the water. It's way over my head.

I tend to internalize most of my stress. It's not a good thing but I have done it for so long. I don't like sharing my pain with anyone. I always feel like there is so much suffering in the world. People are walking around with REAL problems. I know that I am blessed every single day that I wake up and take a breath. I don't allow myself to be "woe is me". I know that my situation could always be worse.

However, I can't help feeling like someone sucker punched me in the ribs. It hurts, I can't breathe when I think about it and there is an underlying pain because I am feeling like there is more pain yet to come.

I have no point with this post.

I don't think there is a point to any of this.

Just getting ready to accept whatever it is that fate wants to hand me.

My Brush With Fame

This weekend was the Charlie Mack celebrity weekend for peace in Philadelphia. Charlie Mack is one of Will Smith's best friends and he lost two brothers to gun violence. Every year, he hosts a weekend for Peace. A march in a troubled neighborhood, concert, basketball game, etc.

We host lots of celebrities in town. Through my job, I had the opportunity to spend three hours in extremely close proximity to Mr and Mrs Smith (got a great picture and lots of hugs). Miss Jada is a very petite woman. She is short in stature and very small boned (probably a size 0). You can, however, sense that she is a powerhouse. She has a quiet strength about her.

Mr. Smith is just who you think he is. Very gracious, charming. A nice guy. They both had to arrive at about 7:30am. They were on time, they looked exhausted but they were here. Ready to help. They walked in and started to instantly speak to the Mothers of Victims, the families, etc. They went all around the room and hugged people and shook hands

What struck me was that twice I observed them get separated by crowds. This is Philly and you know, it's Will's hometown. Twice he and Jada were separated and the crowd around Will got larger and larger. Both times, he asked the crowd to hush and asked his security quietly, "Where's my wife?" Everything stopped as they found her, and brought her back to his side. He then resumed whatever activities they were doing. I liked the quiet respect that he showed her no matter where they were and what was happening. He would then grab her hand and quietly kiss her on the forehead. She would give him that special smile...like, go on and handle your business, I'm fine.

Who knows about the rumors that circulate around these celebrities? I do know that Mr. and Mrs. Smith looked like nice folks that were very much in love. When you think about the level of power they control in Hollywood...it's amazing. But underneath it all, they really are the girl from Baltimore and the kid from West Philadelphia.

Summer, Summer, Summertime

What's up world? I have been reading some good posts in the blog community lately. You guys make me feel bad for not having anything earth shattering to say today.

I was driving to work this morning and thinking about back in the day...you know when things were easier. No real job, no responsibility. Life was good back then. Summertime always makes me think of the carefree days of college when we would all be home for the Summer. Doing nothing but getting dressed up to go walk around the Village in NYC and bump into friends. Then we would go to either BBQ's or UNO's and eat. Then walk around, shop, hang out in Washington Square Park and find something to get into that night. Yup, life was good back then.

I have so many great summertime memories.

Cookouts
Parties
Dancing all night at the Tunnel and the Sound Factory.
Seeing Grace Jones perform "Put Some Grace in Your Face" Live. (She proceeded to pee on the stage)
Seeing Raze perform "Break for Love" live at the Sound Factory where he came out in Leather Chaps with a thong on and then ate some chick out on stage. (The NY club scene is off the chain. I could tell you stories).
Dating some fine boy and then dumping him when I headed back to school. LOL
Jones Beach/Philly Greek Picnic. Used to be THE EVENT of the summer back then.


Life was good.

What are some of your favorite summer memories?

Big Brother is Here.

Today is gonna be one of those days at work. You know the kind where a whole lot of ass kissing is about to take place? Phony-ness a-plenty?

Our five Regionals Sales VP's are in the building. At lunchtime, each of the Sr. Acct Exec's (me included) have to do a 20 minute presentation on the state of our markets. Trends, Strategies to Grow Business, Obstacles, etc.

Our Director of Sales only came to us yesterday to tell us we each had to present today. WTF?

So last night, I came home, played with the kids, fed them, gave them baths, put them to bed, went to the gym for an hour and came home to work on my presentation until about 1am. Such is the life of an everday Superwoman.

Do you ever amaze yourself at all of the stuff you can accomplish in one day? Yesterday was one of those days. I used to be a lazy teenager. I loved school but I could lounge around the house doing nothing for hours. You know, spend an entire day in my pajamas. I haven't slept past 6am in forever. When did this happen to me?

I guess my life changed when I had my sons. No more sleeping late. No more doing what I wanted. My life began to revolve around these little people who looked to me for guidance, love and entertainment. My husband and I realized that our lives (and fun) had to take a back seat to raising these children. It really is a sacrifice. For all of you with no clue....let me clarify it for you.....parenthood will kick your a$$. It is not for the weak of mind, heart or spirit. If you are gonna be a half-assed parent, don't do it. Wait until you are ready. Our kids deserve more.

When I have days like today where I work 10 hours, come home to cook, clean, play, do homework, be a wife, be mommy and still try to work in an hour of me-time somewhere....I think of this and know that all of the sacrifices are worth it.

It ain't easy. They cost a lot. They are messy. They will break everything valuable in your house. They eat a lot. They sometimes scream at the top of their lungs for no reason. They will embarass you in public. They tend to climb and jump on your new leather sectional sofa. They attempt to stick wet fingers in sockets. They throw matchbox cars and Thomas trains into the fishbowl so that little "Goldie" will have something to drive. They tell you that hitting your kids is "NOT NICE" and only "MEAN MOMMIES" do that. They like to write on walls with sharpies instead of their washable crayola markers......but all in all....they truly are God's gifts.

Mommy does it all for you boys.

I can't eat, I can't sleep anymore...waiting for love to walk through the door

Public Service Announcement.

Miss Angie Stone will be live and in concert this Friday in Philly. The concert will be at Penn's Landing and showtime is at 7:30pm. Get there early if you plan on sitting down.

Random Thoughts for a Hot Monday Morning

Thanks to everyone that posted well wishes and prayers for my mom. Basically, she has an unknown mass in her uterus, tomorrow she will have testing done and we will then have a better idea of what we are dealing with. I am not going to will anything into fruition. I will just hold off on having a breakdown until I know exactly what we are dealing with.

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Did anyone see the Mets game? Sorry Cubs fans but we spanked your behinds. I know...that's not saying much...LOL. But damn, two grand slam home runs in one inning? I am getting that 1986-87 Mets vibe all over again. YA GOTTA BELIEVE!

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Corinne Bailey Ray....why is everyone hyping this chick up? I am soooo not feeling her at all. Then I saw her wanna be Billie Holiday-esque, Color Purple video and I was totally turned off.
If anyone can tell me why I should like her and her cd, I am all ears.

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My 20 year high school reunion is next year. DAMN. I may be old, but I still look good. (Modesty has never been one of my strong points) I can't wait to see everyone. Who fell off, who blew up. I loved my High School and still do.

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What's up with this NE Heat Advisory? I like the hot weather but 102 degrees in a suit every day is not fun. I wish I worked in one of those "casual" and "creative" environments. Nope, I am rocking the pinstripes right now. You know when it's so hot, the lining in your suit is stuck to your arms and back kinda hot? UGH!

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I went jogging on Sunday morning and I decided to take my 4 year old son, Taliban #1. (We call our boys the Taliban....they tend to destroy everything in their paths). So we get to the track. He's in the middle, playing soccer and I am jogging. Some older gentleman is jogging next to me and telling me how my son reminds him of his grandson. Well T#1 comes running up and says to the man....."I HAVE A DADDY!" So we both start laughing and then he says "Mommy, is he a stranger?" Needless to say, when I got home and shared that with my husband, T#1 got the Daddy high five for "being on his job" and "keeping Mommy in line". Hmph....he better be that diligent when Daddy goes out....

The Phone Call

I was in NYC for work this past Tuesday and Wednesday. I was walking down 7th avenue when I answered my phone. My mom was on the line. She told me that she had gone to the Doctor and they found something. She has a mass the size of a four month old fetus in her uterus.

She has to go in for testing next week and after that, we will have more information. It felt like one of those moments in a movie. Everything stopped and all I could hear was her voice.

I am trying very hard not to get anxious until we know exactly what we are dealing with but still...it's my mom.

Chef Boy-Ar-1969

Was it me or did the Italians seem extra "friendly" in their pants off victory celebration? Hmmm

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We had a cookout yesterday. Some of hubby's co-workers came over to watch the World Cup. Just so you know, my husband and I love to entertain. We always seem to have people in our house. Since I am somewhat of a gourmet cook, it tends to work out.

YES PEOPLE....I didn't stutter.....I can cook. LOL

My grandmother owned a restaurant. All of my aunts can cook. My mother can cook. My uncles and male cousins can cook. We come from a cooking family. It's in our blood.

We are not recipe cooks either. We taste things, add some of this, some of that....you know...REAL COOKING. We can roll into a restaurant and taste something and say I can make this. Then you go home and make it to perfection.

Well up until this point, I have been able to make almost anything I have ever set my mind to. The only food that has eluded me has been my mother's potato salad. Hers is pure perfection. Creamy, the right mix of salty and sweet. Soft potatoes and crunch bites of relish and celery. Just perfect. I have eaten it all my life and it has never been bad. She has told me how she makes it many times but for some reason, mine never comes out quite right. Not bad...just not like hers.

Well, yesterday, for some strange reason, my potato salad was absolutely on point and perfect.
I figured out what I had been doing wrong. All of these years, I had been trying to make it like mom's. I was trying to recreate perfection. Guess what? It can't be done.

I finally just made it the way I wanted to. I made it my own. And it was absolutely phenomenal. My husband and all of our guests kept saying how good it was. That I had put my foot in it. YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I had become the JEDI. (Did I forget to mention that I am a not so closet nerd?)

I called my mom and told her that I finally made it and she was laughing and she shared in my excitement. "What did you put in it?" "Really?" "That sounds good".

Laying in bed that night...I realized....there is more than one way to achieve a goal. Just because someone else did it by going down a certain path, doesn't mean you can't do it too by following your own way. Life teaches so many lesson if you allow yourself to see them.

Who knew potato salad had so much to teach me?

The Birthday Weekend

Yes, I am one year older. The Cancerian has celebrated another year of life. This year, the husband actually threw me a suprise party. Now you know, the man is "celebration" challenged. He forgets cards, gifts, etc...every single year. It used to make me angry and now, I am just used to it. I now have "low expectations as to not be dissapointed". For anyone that knows me, this is no easy feat.

Shhhhhhh.....don't tell anyone but I LOVE BIRTHDAYS AND HOLIDAYS. Yes, I love em all. From Christmas, to Halloween. Birthdays to Yom Kippur (for the free day off). I love them. Now, I am not as bad as wearing the coordinating QVC Quacker.Lady Holiday sweaters.....but I do enjoy entertaining, celebrating and rejoicing whenever the opportunity presents itself.

So after 6 years, the Hubby actually DID SOMETHING. I mean a real party. Catered food (Sushi platters, Roti, Curried Shrimp, Cake, Liquor, etc...), my whole family was there. My sorors. A real party.

It was so nice. I appreciated every minute of planning and prepartion on his behalf. I knew this was big for him. He wanted to show me that he does love me. Of course, the next day, he told me he should be good as far as holidays for the next year right? Just like a NEGRO.

Yes, my husband is not always good with the emotional stuff. The outpouring of love. The "I love you's". But he is a man of action. He wakes up every day and dresses our sons, drops them off at school, takes them to the playground, makes them fishstick and nuggets, etc..... He is dependable, hard working, a good friend, funny as hell, loves his family, and still has a football player body. He balances the checkbook, invests the money, mows the lawn, keeps my spending and my attitude in check. Yeah, I guess he is all that.

So what he got drunk at my party, invited more of his friends than mine and then passed out on the couch. He still gave me a memorable birthday. I love you babe. THANKS.

P.S. you're exempt until Christmas :)